This morning my Dad was rushed into hospital. The initial fear was that he'd had a heart attack - but then it appeared that he had heatstroke and dehydration, and then things became more serious with a suspected burst stomach ulcer. It has been a weird day.
Because Dad broke off contact with me as I went full-time, I've not been able to follow my natural inclination and turn up at hospital. This has led to a feeling of detachment. There's this assumption that he'll simply get better. Hopefully he'll realise that I do care - but without me there, I don't know how that's going to come across. It's meant that today has been substantially less focussed than it needed to be. So while there was a "moment" early on in the process (while the heart prognosis was current), I feel as though it was some celebrity who is ill and I'm watching it from afar. People have been very nice - although lots of people outside my immediate contacts must assume that I'm closer to him than I actually am.
Will it be a wake-up call? Sadly, I think it's probably not serious enough for that - although a burst and bleeding stomach ulcer is fairly serious!
1 comment:
Thinking of you honey. Hard, complicated, conflicted feelings. Very difficult to know if this will prompt him into thinking differently - when confronted with his own mortality...
Maybe bro can express your best wishes (love even?) to him? Even if he isn't in the mood to listen, there is value in having such things said - there's a point for you, as much as him. Even if he doesn't reciprocate.
Fingers crossed for him. xx
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