Thailand was an amazing set of experiences. Third world affluence next to first world poverty. So much human kindness in a jungle that hid viciousness. Phuket beaches showed struggle amidst much beauty. It was my first trip to Asia (as long as you don't count the 2 hour stopovers in Singapore en route to Australia).
There was a lot of emotional turmoil as J and I arrived in Phuket. Why was I having this operation? Would I be admitted? Would everything work afterwards? Then suddenly I was checked into the hospital, given the laxative (that tasted absolutely foul - they gave me two lots), and then met Dr Sanguan - who was incredibly reassuring. I had already worked out by then to stop thinking about "lasts" and start thinking about "firsts" - and I slept very well the night before - which I think is relatively unusual.
The next morning things all just happened. Dr Sanguan's question of "Shall we do this, then?" was met with a gruff "just get it done", and then the theatre lights looked strange, and then I woke up.
There were a couple of complications - some of the skin graft didn't take, and then I was fighting a steptococcal infection - but things generally seemed to go well. Two weeks in the hospital passed - getting used to the routine - wake up around 5:30am for routine checks, "sawat dee ka Helen" at 6 for an inspection of "the wound", breakfast around 7:30, "I clean room" and "Clean body?" around 8:30, Dr Sanguan between 9 and 10, and so on. Then a slightly delayed discharge into a hotel around 30 minutes away from the hospital. On first appearances the hotel was wonderful - until you discovered the hordes of tiny ants and the geckos in the bathroom!
My friend Jo came out to look after me for the last couple of weeks. She hired a car for the last week - and it was great having the freedom to travel around a bit, even though I was tired and had to sit on a soft doughnut cushion. Her domestic situation is abysmal, and I could tell that, two days before travelling home, she was dipping down - what was she going back to. Mind you, I was more than ready to go back, even to a British late autumn with dark nights and rain. The last Friday was very flat, with yet another day's rain in Thailand, and there were delays all over the shop on the flights back to Heathrow.
And so I'm back in the UK, fortunately with pictures to remind me of things I saw. It certainly was an amazing set of experiences.
"Do you have any regrets" is a question I've been asked a few times. The glib answer, and the one I give, is a fairly quick "no" - and largely that's true. Certainly the amazement that I "look right" now when I look in the mirror, and a sense of calmness for the last few weeks make me think that I have chosen right - even though I still feel "tied" to the bed with dilation three times daily and not a lot of energy, and even though things are still sore. The regret is actually that I don't think there would have been a way to stay as I was for much longer, and what that does specifically to J. She has been wonderful, very affectionate and caring - despite getting a bit lost in exploring her faith again in the last week or so.
I'm also grateful that the BBC decided not to carry out filming. Apparently the senior editor felt that transsexualism was too adult a topic to show at 8pm on a weekday evening - somewhat ironic that Sky 3 showed a series called "Sex Change" at 8pm on a weekday evening! But I wouldn't have had the energy to deal with the filming in a way that I would have been happy with.
